Jonathan "Nightmare" Flahr
Gentleman Matchmaker

Lightweight
Stands five feet, eleven inches
Weighs one hundred and fifty pounds
Holds a record of two victories and five defeats
His speciality is the armbar

A founding member of the GQ, Flahr's early career was distinguished by acts of brazen valour.  He overcame early defeats and endured withering takedowns before emerging victorious with the rear naked choke heard 'round the world. He has since honed his skills and become at once a stylist and a sniper. Future opponents face dagger-quick armbar submissions and ruthless carotid chokes.

As of Gee Cue Four: It's gut-check time for "Nightmare" Flahr, currently mired in a three defeat streak. Look for Flahr to dial back his take-on-all-comers rhetoric and to start a steady, strategic climb back to the summit of the Lightweight division.

As of Gee Cue Five: Flahr's long night of insomnia finally came to an end, and he and his difficult metaphor of a ringname are returned to a terrifying slumber. As is his custom, "Nightmare" squared off yet again with a larger, stouter gentleman, and once again he set upon him like so many Lilliputians, leaving "Famoso Brazo" with toothpicks prying his eyelids and asking politely to see the GQ rulebook.

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Tristan "Doctor" Thompson
Gentleman Scribner

Heavyweight
Stands five feet, nine inches
Weighs one hundred and ninety-five pounds
Holds a record of four victories and four defeats
His speciality is the double-leg takedown

Clinical efficiency and a dullard's strength are the hallmarks of this proponent of the slam-and-see school of submission grappling. Bearer of two legs referred to as Her Majesty's Ships Dauntless and Indefatigable. Strives earnestly to remove gentlemen from the ground and there to return them. Prospective victors ought note his insistence on breathing air.

As of Gee Cue Four: Gee Cue Four came and went and left behind it a black blight on the Doctor's dancecard. Having joyfully regained the Heavyweight title, a scant twenty minutes later it was lost again in a landmark defeat to the division-straddling dynamo Bradley Swaim. Thompson needs to add more weapons to the arsenal if he hopes to remain competitive.

As of Gee Cue Five: It was with a heavy heart and supple neck that "Doctor" faced down his boyhood friend in the quarrelsome fields of Gee Cue Five. "Cossack", quickly realizing that he could not put a submission on a heavy heart, moved pragmatically on to the Doctor's ever-exposed windpipe, played a brief and jaunty tune, and left his old friend gurgling in the mud. But a gentleman abides, and the Doctor will return stronger than ever at Gee Cue Six.

As of Gee Cue Six: O sweet fancy Moses I've lost three-in-a-row. Doctor solemnly prepares to fire all of his guns at once and explode into space at Gee Cue Seven.

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Andrew "Toro" Perdomo

Heavyweight
Stands five feet, ten inches
Weighs two hundred and twenty pounds
Holds a record of no victories and one defeat
His specialty is tapping out

Latin machismo and raw power have thus far failed to yield results for this brawling boulder. Not seen in action since Gee Cue One, anticipation of his return to the quarrelsome fields runs rampant.

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Bradley "God's Own Image" Swaim

Lightweight
Stands five feet, seven inches
Weighs one hundred and forty pounds
Holds a record of four victories and no defeats
His specialty is the triangle choke

An icy temperament and iron will were on full display in Swaim's first appearance at Gee Cue Three, where he unseated incumbent Jon Flahr in a hard-fought quarrel. Early accusations of blood-doping were cast aside when it was determined that he was legitimately half-Japanese.  A Lightweight showdown with "Nightmare" Flahr looms large on the horizon.

As of Gee Cue Four: With back-to-back virtuoso performances, "God's Own Image" pulled off a coup at Gee Cue Four, securing the Heavyweight and cementing the Lightweight crowns in one evening. With the Heavyweight title now wrapped around one hundred and forty-pound hips, gentleman grapplers everywhere have Swaim squarely in their crosshairs.

As of Gee Cue Five: "God is dead" was Nietzsche's forlorn response to the news that Mr. Swaim would hang up the gentleman's ginch after Gee Cue Four. But rumours of his demise were greatly overstated. Once again imbued with the quarrelsome spirit of the Champion Gentleman, Swaim improved his career record to a gaudy, unheard of four and oh. If he prevails yet again at Gee Cue Six, matchmakers have lined up an interesting Swaim's tibia vs. tire-iron match for Gee Cue Six and a Half.

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Alexander (Sascha) "Cossack" Paruk

Middleweight
Stands five feet, eleven inches
Weighs one hundred and sixty-five pounds
Holds a record of two victories and no defeats
His specialty is the guillotine choke

A large and largely unknown import from the North. Sturdy, stern and Soviet. Natural athleticism and a gambler's instinct portend a potent foe, but how will he respond under fire?

As of Gee Cue Five: Extremely well. With a fondness for the guillotine not seen since Robespierre, "Cossack" unleashed a terror of his own upon the unsuspecting Marie Antoinette previously known as "Doctor".

As of Gee Cue Six: Let it never be said that Cossack is anything but a consummate gentleman. A case in point - he allowed Doctor a full five minutes of utter domination, even deigning to permit Thompson to affix a full rear naked choke around his neck and heave away clumsily, before demurely extricating himself and choking the living daylights out of his erstwhile rival. With two decisive victories over the fast-fading lion of the Society, Cossack found himself acclaimed the new Middleweight Champion Gentleman, and becomes the man to beat at one-eighty-five.

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Daniel  "Famoso Brazo"  Crawford

Middleweight
Stands six feet, three inches
Weighs one hundred and eighty pounds
Holds a record of one victory and one defeat
His specialty is the arm triangle


An enigma. A tweed-coated gladiator. A scholar and a scuffler. A rapier in the belt and a rose in the teeth. A famoso brazo. But a corazón feroz?

As of Gee Cue Five: In the muddy mire that was the Second Battle of Ypres "Nightmare" vs. "Famoso Brazo", Crawford proved his mettle and made a proud entry into polite Society. Along with a fierce heart and fearsome lankiness, "Famoso Brazo" demonstrated that the renown of his illustrious arm is owed to its ability to bend back far beyond any normal human tolerance. Bravo, Brazo. Bravo.

As of Gee Cue Six: Once bitten, doubly prepared was the motto of the day for Famoso Brazo. Clearly stung by his debutante defeat to Nightmare, at Gee Cue Six Crawford wore a shiny new gameface when he faced down his old nemesis Animal. Upon releasing the gentlemen's handshake Animal and Famoso Brazo plummeted immediately to earth, twirling and writhing downwards like mating eagles. To complete the trifecta of elemental mixed metaphors, let the record show that it was on the ground that Famoso Brazo truly found his sea legs, promptly dispatching Animal and cementing his position as a new contender in the Middleweight division.

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Bradley "No Man is An" Iles

Middleweight
Stands five feet, ten inches
Weighs one hundred and seventy pounds
Holds a record of no victories and one defeat

With over forty minutes of instruction in Aikido, Mr. Iles entered the Society as the gentleman with by far the most classical training.

As of Gee Cue Five: Experience served this swarthy samurai well, as he was pitted immediately against Champion Gentleman "God's Own Image" Swaim. They grappled in the schoolyard. They grappled by the park benches and the maple trees. They grappled in the mud and in the cold. And (we thought) they would never surrender. But at long last "God's Own Image" once again shone through the clouds, and claimed another victory over a worthy adversary. At which point, "No Man is An" picked himself up from the mud, cleared his throat and declared "and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Iles or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the Old." And the gathered gentlemen stood and stared at him, puzzled.

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Mark "Kaiser" Crawford

Middleweight
Stands five feet, eleven inches
Weighs one hundred and seventy pounds
Holds a record of no victories and one defeat

He is the fisher of men. He is the crow that sits on your boughs. He is the rising fever. He is the coiled spring. He is a junkman, and he will shine your stars.

As of Gee Cue Six: Kaiser's long-awaited ascendance to the throne of gentlemanly combat finally came on this chilly November eve, and the gathered commoners were less concerned by the fact that the emperor had no clothes than by whether or not he could choke out the Commissioner. In one of the most evenly matched quarrels in recent memory Kaiser and the Commish' struggled mightily, exploiting and squandering advantages in equal measure, both displaying grappling guile far surpassing their tender tenures as professional gentlemen. Commissioner carried the day, but Kaiser holds his head high and looks toward Gee Cue Seven.

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Mackenzie "Commissioner" Gordon

Middleweight
Stands five feet, ten inches
Weighs one hundred and seventy-five pounds
Holds a record of one victory and no defeats
His specialty is the hammerlock

With "Commissioner" Gordon on the job, a new wind blows in the city of Gentlemanly Quarrels. Like the clarion call of a hunter's horn, the thudding drone of Jock Jams Vol. III that accompanies his every movement serves to lift the lid off our little world, and informs all the prey therein that nothing will ever be the same again. Biceps, long unadorned, now look pale and naked without bands of garish neon. Folding chairs have become objects of glowering, latent menace. Exotic phrases percolate in the minds of gentlemen. Boston crab, standing double grapevine, Indian death lock, Irish whip. What do these words mean? Do they hurt? How can a gentleman take pride in a paltry, solitary victory while "Commissioner", roaming the shantytowns of the western seaboard under throwaway monikers, has been dispatching dozens of men nightly for salivating crowds in so-called Rumbles Royale? On Monday he was "Nature Boy" in Astoria. Wednesday found "the Longshoreman" in Port Hadlock. Friday nights in Shelton, "Lord Hee Haw" plies his trade. Now, the "Commissioner" has come to clean up Vancouver. He was meant for the stage, and tonight's performance is entitled Submissions. We hope you enjoy.

As of Gee Cue Six: The Commissioner left his riot gear at home, requiring only government-issue briefs to teach a lesson in law and order to Kaiser.

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